There’s no doubt that this Super Bowl is worth watching. It has all the ingredients for a great showdown: the old guard Hall of Fame quarterback vs. the up and comer, two different style passers, a prolific offense vs. the stingiest defense, and a host of other sub-plots.
The only real question seems to be whether to watch the half time show.
Here’s your Official Guide To Halftime to help with the decision making process.
Fact #1: This year marks the ten year anniversary of the Justine Timberlake and Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction.” Halftime shows since have included Madonna’s celebration of polytheism, The Black-Eyed Peas, Prince, Beyonce, Tom Petty and many more. Most of them received more criticism than praise, even by those with no moral compunction. Still, it’s reported that Beyonce tallied 104 million viewers last year and Madonna, the year prior, enjoyed 112 million viewers. It seems that halftime has become the greatest platform for sexual expression and elaborate gyrations in the history of man. Think there’s a little money to gain from these spectacles?
Lest we get too comfortable pointing our pietistic fingers at these performers and the media machine behind them, let’s remember that these performances tell as much about the celebrities as they do about us. [pullquote position=right] Like our politicians, celebrities (particularly musicians) are a product of the larger culture; a culture of which we are an intimate part.[/pullquote] We have suckled them, raised them, and set them up on the pedestal and that should be quite humbling to us. Like mirrors, they simply show us to ourselves.
This year’s acts? Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers need no introduction. They’re the old guard of the show, likely headed to the Rock’n Roll Hall of Fame. While Bruno Mars has yet to prove himself worthy of such an honor, he certainly has the attention of the younger generation. For those who are unfamiliar with him, here’s your brief intro:
Fact #2: Bruno Mars is the reincarnation of a young Michael Jackson: intense, unashamed, unvarnished, and sexually charged. Disco lovers will find something familiar in his music.
Fact #3: His lyrics are one cup of flattery and two cups of sexual violence. One of his recent top hits called “Gorilla” explicitly describes his urge to force himself on a girl. He promises her that she’ll like it. To avoid being called a judgmental curmudgeon, I’ll let Bruno speak for himself: WARNING, don’t rashly watch these videos with kids in the room.
SEXUAL VIOLENCE VIDEO:Here’s the “clean” version of “Gorilla”, clean only because all swear words are deleted.
FLATTERY VIDEO:Here’s his official video for “I’d Catch A Grenade For You”.
Get the picture? We’ve exorcised all sexual taboos and birthed gods who harken back to the Greek gods of old: impulsive, arbitrary, promiscuous, flippant, and aggressive. It should go without saying that our daughters need to bolt from a male like Bruno, not idolize him. It should also go without saying that too many daughters suffer a father hunger that prompts them to fall for guys exactly like Bruno.
Shame on us, dads.
There’s plenty more to say on this topic, but for now here’s my suggestion for halftime. Wait for Bruno Mars to gyrate onto the stage and fling his body around so that you don’t miss a commercial then turn off the tube. Now, let the magic begin:
Ten Things To Do Until The Second Half Begins:
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Generously pull out the bag of Oreos for everyone and promptly lick the filling out of all them, then place the cookie parts back in the tray.
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Have a Peyton Manning imitation contest and see who can create the best helmet-impression-red-marks on his/her head. Now…be safe kids. Don’t hurt yourself.
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Hold an eating contest: who can eat a bag of Doritos the fastest?
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Trivia Contest: whoever can correctly guess where Russell Wilson and Peyton Manning played their college ball wins.
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Secretly choose one person in the room and repeat everything they say as a question. Keep this annoying habit to halftime and see how long it takes them to pick up on the trick.
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Hold a formal debate: who wins in a cage fight? Russell Wilson or Peyton Manning?
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Choose any Bruno Mars song and sing a Disney Song lyrics of your choice to that tune.
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Start yelling random numbers or city names while someone is talking (“Could you please pass the…” “Omaha! Omaha!”) to practice your Peyton Manning imitation.
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Brainstorm the top five worst pick up lines (No, you can’t use “I’d catch a grenade for you!” Bruno already took that one).
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Pick any item on hand (a fork or blender will do) and make your own Super Bowl Advertisement. Remember! Super Bowl Ads are expensive, so you’ve got to keep it short: roughly 30 seconds.
After the hoopla is done, sit down and enjoy the second half. It promises to be a nail-biter already.
For those of you who’d like to have a philosophical discussion during halftime, here’s a question for you: since these celebrities are the product of our larger culture, what are some tangible ways we can displace the current cultural zeitgeist? In other words, [pullquote position=right] what are we doing in our circle of influence to create a culture that promotes dignity, thankfulness, and reverence? [/pullquote] Need some ideas? Read I Thess. 4:11.
For full disclosure: some of the above top ten list is modified from another site
