I wrote in another blog post that “parents who don’t harness the imagination will be held hostage by it.” Meaning, they’re either intentional about how they see/imagine things or they’re not. Unintentional imagining can have unimaginable consequences.

Parents who are held hostage by their imagination often imprison their children for life.

[This image is a classic photo of Harry Houdini, from Wikipedia.]

The way we imagine the world dictates most of our choices. Take this simple example: Oscar Wilde lived as though no higher court existed to judge the morality of his pleasurable pursuits. Rosaria Butterfield, however, lives as though God will judge her choices. Each one imagines a different world and each one lives accordingly.

So it makes sense that how parents imagine their relationship with their children or the future of that relationship will impact the choices they make. Those parents who are afraid of losing their children, for example, will likely make decisions that keep their children stiflingly close. Parents like that are held hostage by their imagination and their parenting lacks the cruciform shape of love.

As a result, they flounder through parenting and establish relational habits in the home that will likely imprison their children in those habits for life.

We make lots of imaginative mistakes as parents, but here are five very common ones made by fearful parents.

• Mistake #1: Trying to be groovy
  Moms who dress like their teenage prom queen embarrass their daughters and the rest of us too.

• Mistake #2: Indulging Little Brandy’s Appetite
  Dads who are too soft to say “No” every time Brandy looks pleadingly into his eyes and holds up something new to buy will leave Brandy a slave to her appetites forever. Whenever I wanted something new, the latest tape cassette for example (I know, cutting edge technology!), my dad told me he’d let me buy it in one month. Pretty good advice. My appetite usually changed two weeks later even though I could see through his ploy.

• Mistake #3: Counting to 77
  Lenient discipline takes many forms, but one common form is counting. Counting to 10 or 77 doesn’t seem to matter so long as Junior stops his tantrum at the last second…and he will. Maybe. Why not eliminate the pain on both sides and discipline him before you start making threats. Teach him to count using different methods. Have him count candy.

• Mistake #4: Leaving the life grooves to the kids
  Kids who eat chocolate for breakfast every day will develop life-long taste buds for only chocolate in the morning. That’s a life groove. Every groove shapes us…in this case, literally.
  Chocolate takes many forms.
  Run with that metaphor for awhile.

• Mistake #5: Making conversation an event
  If conversation between Dad and Dylan feels stilted, then it isn’t happening enough to become a natural part of life. So Dad, usually impelled by Mom, makes it more awkward because he only knows how to talk Jock with Dylan. Anything more meaningful sounds like they’re both learning phonetically again. Conversation with the kids should be natural, like breathing, but many parents make it a big deal. Food, friends, faith, freedom, fishing, and flies should be easy to discuss. Even the “big topic” shouldn’t be an event. Sex is a great part of life. Talk about it as though it really is great…something too valuable to sell cheaply. The bottom line of Deuteronomy 6:7 is this: Talking isn’t a big deal. Just do it.

What are the solutions to avoiding these common mistakes? What helps us harness our imaginations so that we can liberate our kids and ourselves?

1. Prayer: pray for your kids and pray for yourselves. Don’t just pray for change. That’s our default prayer. Pray blessings over your children.

2. Read God’s promises about your children. They are imaginative telescopes. Put the kiddy binoculars down and learn to see further.

3. Stop living in fear: remind yourself that the goal of parenting is NOT that the kids like you. The goal of parenting is leading our little ones to Christ.

Coming Attractions:

The next blog post is titled: “How To Make Your Child A Millionaire.” Do I have your attention now? I can’t wait to share it with you.

In the meantime, what are some resources that have helped you overcome your parenting mistakes? Are there particular Scripture verses that have encouraged you along the way? I’d love to hear from you.